Daily life and rituals. Now I always thought, that it would be wise and good to get into the habit of doing things at a certain hour, in a certain order, one day after the next. That a rhythm of daily rituals would automatically lead to more structure and calm in my somewhat chaotic work schedule, house and emotional state.
What I have noticed this week, is that this is not what works best for me. Because each day is different. And what I need is different each day.
This reminded me of an interview with Elizabeth Gilbert where she says: ‘Life is an extremely agitating event. And I vibrate at a slightly higher frequency than is necessarily healthy, I always have done. I’ve always been kind of anxious. I’ve always been super emotive. I feel things harder than is good for me.‘
If I need to explain to people what having a sensitive system is like, I often use those sentences: vibrating at a high frequency. Feeling things harder than is good for me. The words that followed, are etched on my mind too. Liz Gilbert goes on to say what helped her feel more at ease, relaxed and calm: a set of practices, ways to create pockets of quiet to rest and restore when necessary.
‘…when I find myself spinning out of orbit, there’s a tether […] that pulls me back and reminds me: do you really want to make a big production out of this, or would it be better for you and everybody around you if you just found a way to accept what’s going on? And that has just made life very much more pleasant.’
‘And if I can define my spiritual practice today, it is the maintenance of that. It is doing whatever is necessary to keep that system healthy and working. And you have to be a little bit nimble and a little bit flexible to figure out what each day requires in order to keep it going.’
Be a little bit nimble and a little bit flexible to see what each day requires. That really resonates with me now. Over the past two weeks I have incorporated rituals into my day that together are beginning to form a tether, a life line that helps me stay centred and balanced and, if I’m spinning out of orbit, helps me come back to centre.
I like to think of these practices as tools that I keep in a toolbox. I am still learning how to work with them, still figuring out which ones I want to keep in that box, and which ones I am not really using. I am also checking if there are any tools missing… but what I already notice, is that rather than squeezing everything into a regime, asking myself ‘what do I need right now?’ is much more helpful.
So the daily meditation moment at four in the afternoon… it didn’t happen. But I do turn to the app with guided meditations regularly: sometimes to help me focus and feel present, sometimes to help me feel calm or go to sleep. So I’m happy with that. The nadi shodhana pranayama hasn’t found its way into my day yet, but I will give that some more time and see what the next week brings.
I already feel much better now than I did a few weeks ago, because I have a new sense of agency. I have a choice. When I notice that my mind is very active, but not in a productive way, I can just get up, leave my work for a little while and make sure I eat well, drink enough tea and water, use some essential oils – whatever is required.
Sometimes what is required to calm my unproductively active mind is actually to give it something else to do. Indeed, this was my go-to option, which easily led to working too much and only added to the overwhelm. That is why I listed ‘mental activity’ as a ‘do less of’. But it is different now, because, again, I am aware that I have a choice. It is now a tool. It is like taking an active, excited dog out for a proper walk so it can run and release energy.
My ‘daily life wish list’ remains a work in progress. One winter storm after the next made spending time outdoors and gardening rather difficult, but I am still going for a run every few days, and that feels really good.
And also, as I mentioned in my reflection, this pratcice, with the houses and inventories, the new moon intentions, is not about getting it all right at once. It is not about getting it right at all.
Some of the things on the wish list remain on the wish list. I already knew this would happen, and deliberately left some of the list out of the schedule. There is no need this time (as was the case when I was working on House II themes) to explore why I did not do the things I promised to do.
What I do want to mention in this check-in, is the part of my steps that I labelled keep doing the work. This entailed exploring conflicting emotions around people who were once much more present in my life than they are now.
Those emotions already made themselves known as I was working on my House II topics. They came up again in this house when I looked at my professional communication. I longed to clear out my list of contacts, but something was holding me back. First it was sadness. But then there were also feelings of unworthiness and powerlessness. Indeed, I feel things harder than is good for me. I am aware that not everyone finds it this hard to say goodbye to a former work environment. I also know that this is simply how I am wired and I have no other option but to honour those feelings and take time to process them.
When I took all of this to my therapist, she was able to help me understand the issues with power and self-worth. I wrote about this in a separate post. That still leaves me with two questions. The first is: what about the sadness? And the second: how do I proceed when it comes to my professional communication?
I had already scheduled a letting go ritual for the upcoming week. And even if I have not come up with one yet, this is a prompt to further explore those questions. Bearing in mind what this practice is about: inviting more ease and light into my life.
My rising sign 