Auteur archief: Sagittarius Rising

The third house is not only the house of daily life and daily rituals. It is also the realm of siblings, cousins, other extended family and close friends who feel like family.

As I am writing this inventory we have spent almost two years in and out of lockdown. Over the course of this extraordinary period, some friends who were more distant at first became really close. And at the same time I have lost touch with others who, before the pandemic, were a constant in my life.

Much to my own surprise, I do not mind the disconnect. This was much different a few years ago: I kept in touch with as many people as I could. Nowadays, I like to think of friends as travel companions. Some are only there for a short part of the journey, others walk along for much longer.

Staying connected is easier when you share the same ideas, interests and experiences. Sometimes what you share is only temporary. Sometimes what you share is more the activity, the being at the same place at the same time, than anything else.

In a way this applies to my cousins. When my grandparents were still alive, we, their grandchildren, would meet to celebrate birthdays, Christmas and other festivities together. Or we would drop by on a Sunday afternoon, knowing that ‘the others’ were likely to be there too. After my grandparents passed about a decade ago, our focus shifted; my parents do still meet with their siblings, but the large extended family gatherings no longer take place. And actually, I don’t really mind. I love my cousins and I feel grateful for the wonderful time we spent growing up together. I know we all keep an eye out for each other. Ask our parents if everyone is alright. Are happy when a new family member arrives. I know we will support each other in times of grief and loss. But for now, we are all walking our own path. And that is why I am mentioning my cousins and extended family here, but will not include them in the further steps of this practice.

One family member, or rather two, who I would like to include in the practice, are my sister and her newborn son. As I said before, I shall not share information about my loved ones, because this isn’t mine to share. What I would like to mention though, is how much it means to me to get to know my sister in an entirely new way. She and I were very much walking our own path for the last couple of years, but the arrival of her boy has reconnected us and it is deepening our relationship in ways I could not have imagined. When asked who my closest friends are, I will certainly mention her.

And then there are friends who are my chosen family. About a third of them are men, the rest of them are women. Some I have literally known my entire life, others I have only met just before the pandemic, but have become very dear to me since. Quite a few of them live abroad. There are some small groups, such as the three girls I went to school with or the three girls who were on the same coaching training. But most are individuals, they are that one person who stayed, even though whatever it was we started doing together, be it work, study or acting in the same play, ended a while ago.

These friends, the ones I consider as close as family, some perhaps even closer, are the people I could call in the middle of the night if something were wrong. The ones who help me move house. The ones who don’t care if I show up in my most worn out clothes or fanciest dress, with or without make-up, if I am cheerful or exhausted. The ones with whom it is as if no time has passed, even when we have not seen each other for months. The ones who are curious and ask great questions. The ones who share what they have learned. The ones whom I can be quiet with. The ones who find calm and peace with me. The ones who make me laugh. The ones who will send me music. The ones who come and find me whenever they need someone to talk to. The ones who trust me with their children. The ones who share their vulnerability with me. The ones who never judge me. The ones I never judge. The ones who are always on my side. The ones I always support. The ones who take me and see me as I am.

And that is exactly what I would like to note in this inventory: being myself. Just being. If and when I am completely at ease and relaxed, I soften. It is a visable shift. And it is literally easier to just give me a hug. Even if that was what I really needed all along, apparently I seem to signal: I got this. No need to hold me. But that is such nonsense. I love being held by those I care about and who care about me. I love holding them.

However, even when I’m with my closest of closest friends, the softening takes time. I might arrive feeling tense about one thing or another (which has nothing to do with them). Or I am relaxed, but they arrive feeling tense about one thing or another (which has nothing to do with me). And that is when it takes time to soften. When it takes time for me to not be vigilant, to just let go, be quiet, to simply be. I would love for this gentle, soft and calm me to be there much more often. For this to be my natural state, particularly when I’m spending time with such dear friends.

In the third part of this House III inventory, I shall be looking at communication.

The third house encompasses a range of interconnected themes. I shall first list the most important of them, and will then make a selection of themes that feel most urgent for me, at this point in my life, to further explore. You might choose different themes, according to what speaks to you at this time. I would encourage you to include at least one theme that evokes some resistance instead of simply picking the ‘easier’ ones.

The third house is the house of daily life, daily rituals, neighbours and neighbourhood, local travel, short trips and short-term plans. All things close to home, so to speak. It is also the house of siblings, cousins and other extended family and close friends who feel like family. Another very important theme that this house is associated with, is communication in all shapes and forms: developing and exchanging ideas, mental stimulation, thoughts, information, data, media, language skills, writing, speaking etc.

In this blog I want to be as open and transparent as I can about the topics that I am exploring. At the same time, I want to be mindful of my loved ones and disclose as little information about my relationship with them and about my home life as possible.

But even without sharing those details about my daily life, I can name a few things that I would like to further address in the weeks ahead. The first is that a very large part of my daily activities involve thinking and mental effort. My work often requires reflecting, planning and writing. I also tend to spend a lot of time in my mind before, during and after the sessions with my therapist. If I seek to distract myself from worrying (another mental activity) the first option is often to just do a little extra work. Even the activities I choose to relax and unwind are cognitive: I often start writing or reading up on things I am interested in.

The second thing that struck me about my daily life, is the lack of structure in my workweek as a result of my outward focus. Most of the projects I am working on right now do not need to happen at a specific time. 90% of the work needs to be done by me, on my own, before a certain deadline, but it is up to me to determine my office hours. And so it seems as if I have all the time in the world. When others, who do have a strict schedule, want to meet with me, I often adjust to the time they suggest. I easily sacrifice time I had planned to spend differently or I might hold off scheduling my own activities until they have made up their mind about the meeting.

The third thing to mention, are my waking and sleeping hours. In recent weeks I have rarely gone to bed before midnight. The quality of my sleep has not been great. It has, for various reasons, been a rather stressful time. Often I would wake up well before dawn, disturbed by worry and fear. In times like these it does not help if I have been drinking wine at dinner or later in the evening. It might have helped me feel calmer briefly, but it also negatively affects the quality of my sleep. And after such a restless night, getting up and running the next morning takes a while.

The fourth and final thing to note about my daily life, is the very basic concept of cleaning and doing chores. I never fail to underestimate the time it takes to keep everything free of clutter, to cook and simply wash the dishes and do the laundry. It all gets done eventually, and I am glad it does. Living and working in a clean, calm, organised environment helps to counterbalance my wildly active mind. There is however very little structure in this part of the daily activities, and I often find that very frustrating.

Closely connected to daily life, are the daily rituals. I have been looking forward to addressing this theme, because I long for – again – more structure and more of a rhythm in my days. At this moment, I would not say I have proper daily rituals in place. The ones I am thinking of developing, would be routines that help me be more present and put my physical self first, look after it with extra care and give it all the love and nourishment that it deserves and needs. I would also like to incorporate a more spiritual form of meditation and a gratitude practice into my days.

In the second part of this House III inventory, I shall be looking at siblings and close friends who feel like family.

In my inventory of assets, resources and self-worth, I registered a lack of enthusiasm for making money. When I sat down with the inventory later, exploring how I felt about that list, I noted the same disinterest.

At the same time, I realised that in order to become financially independent and as a result feel more safe, confident and free, I would need to significantly increase my income.

I wondered what was keeping me from just going for it. Why am I not charging properly? Why am I not offering my talents and expertise to places with (more) money to pay their workers? Is this purely idealistic or is there more at play? Am I in some way sabotaging my own success?

I took these questions to a dear friend, who, like me, works as a coach. She kindly offered to explore my attitude towards money and making money with me in a session.

‘What do you think about when you hear the word “money”?’ She asked. ‘What comes up, what associations do you have with this word?’

I was rather shocked to hear myself say: oppression, power, misuse of power, showing off, soulless, empty, void of deeper meaning, nuisance.

These were really strong words and feelings, which did not come up when she asked me about the word ‘value’ nor when she asked what money could be spent on. I associated ‘value’ with beauty, something produced with care and dedication, with warmth. And I could immediately see how money itself can be used to provide shelter, nourishment and care and to be generous.

As we further unpacked those negative associations, we discovered that it was not so much the money itself that I had problems with. The resistance and repugnance was related to work places. Places that I, though not on a very conscious level, connected to paying people – or not paying people. Hiring them or not hiring them. Places where some make much more money than others. Places where some are much more powerful than others. Places where some misuse this power.

I was suddenly reminded of certain employers, team leaders, companies and organisations I had worked for. I remembered the collective, the world many of my previous work places belong to. It was only ever in retrospect that I realised quite how much inequality and oppression had been present there. A realisation that can sometimes still make me feel nauseous.

So this is what was happening. Negative experiences with what I shall describe here as ‘the corporate world’ were impacting my attitude towards (making) money. Without realising it, something inside me was trying to protect me against such experiences. It was trying to keep me from entering that realm again and potentially getting hurt.

That is why I was reluctant to offer my talents and experience to other places; part of me was afraid of power dynamics in all shapes and forms: rejection, manipulation, oppression and harassment. But what my bruised and wounded self did not realise: I have a choice now. I am not powerless and I am no longer who I was even a few weeks ago. I can show up with more awareness, knowledge and strength. And also: my therapist has sent me on a self-defence training which is really empowering. I can now set boundaries and stand up for myself much better than I used to. I am, to reference Brené Brown, learning how to brave the wilderness and show up with a soft front, strong back and wild heart.

Perhaps you remember the intention I set for this month. It came about very intuitively and was inspired by a physical heaviness I felt as I read over my inventory. I wrote: ‘I could not quite put my finger on it, but the heaviness made me think of a stern authoritarian person imposing their will. There was no wisdom or kindness in this persons reign; they were concerned about being in control because it helped them feel safe. There was an element of fear in their seriousness.’

After the coaching session, I wondered if this ‘stern authoritarian person’ was indeed my own protective mechanism at work. Perhaps it was.

At the same time, it also feels as if that ‘ruler’ represents others. People, both men and women, whom I have worked with in the past, some very closely, others only in passing. People who, almost literally, left an impression on me. A memory, that my body has held onto. As trauma-expert Bessel van der Kolk says: ‘the body keeps the score.’

And so when I made that inventory of ‘work’ and ‘making money’, my body was reminding me of unpleasant and sometimes even painful experiences with power and the damaging ways it was exerted. No matter how obvious it often was that people behaved the way they did out of a deep insecurity, trying to control their environment so they would not feel unsafe or unloved; they were hurting others.

We all react differently to such power dynamics. In my case it disturbed my balance. I did not shrug and forget about it, I absorbed the shock and stored the memory. Added new experiences to it, did not let them go. This might sound foreign to you. Exaggerated. Victimised. I would understand.

What helps me to understand this reaction and not judge it, is knowing that this is simply how I’m wired: very sensitive to whatever is going on around me, always picking up information. I have to make a real effort not to notice, hear, feel, smell, see everything all the time. And also, as I noted in my inventory earlier this month, experiences in my childhood have further encouraged this sensitivity, turning it into hyper alertness. There have been actual situations, when I was little, where I was powerless. Too young to properly process them or walk away, those experiences were traumatising. This is why I might react strongly to situations in the present that others don’t even notice.

It takes time to unlearn this instinctive reaction and replace it with a conscious response. But I am committed to healing, not least so I can start helping others who are dealing with similar demons.

At the same time, those exerting power in damaging ways have work to do as well. No one else can do this work for them. But we can hold up a mirror. Speak up. Draw a line. Set boundaries. Leave when we must. On which note, I will wrap up this post with a poem, written by Mary Oliver.

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice–
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.

This is the second check-in on the steps I planned to take related to my assets, resources and self-worth. A simple guide for checking in can be found right here.

Scheduled for this week was… more scheduling! As I was writing the inventory of House II themes, I realised that my possessions are taking up more space than I would like. I don’t mind a bit of chaos, but I do know that I feel a lot better when my living and work spaces are clear, light and don’t have too much stuff in them. Another reason for decluttering, is that I want to create space for new experiences. And finally, a house move might be on the cards, and I would prefer to travel light.

So now I have chosen a few days each month where I will not be available for meetings or providing copy. Those are days to declutter my studio and sort through boxes with my name on them stored in my parent’s place.

The only other thing on the list, was keeping up the meditation practice, which I did, and checking in, which I am doing right now.

The final part of the check-in, is to look at the week ahead and see if the things you planned to do can still happen. I have actually planned quite a few things:

• daily meditation
• coaching session on attitude to (making) money
• revise financial plans
• declutter house
• start creating artwork for this website
• weekly check-in

The coaching session was meant to happen sooner, but my coach was not available. I have now called in another coaching friend and she will explore the topic with me.

As for the other ‘things to do’: this may seem like a lot, and in any other week it would have been too many new things, but I had already scheduled some time off to do exactly this: declutter the house and sort out my admin. Creating the artwork is something I consider a really nice way to spend downtime, so that should fit in perfectly. However, I am glad I looked at the plans now, because otherwise I might have accepted invitations to meet up with friends or allow other activities to fill my calendar. It would not have been the first time I would say: ‘It is actually my day off, but don’t worry, I’ll write that newsletter for you.’

Before wrapping up, I would like to add that the rather vague step ‘shifting my focus within’ is actually becoming less and less abstract. In a recent session my therapist and I explored the origins of my tendency to focus my attention outward at the expense of what is present inside me. Not only was I able to understand how this came about, I could also feel what it was like before all that happened. It was a great relief to be able to reconnect to the three year old girl wrapped up inside me. She felt fun and trusting, warm and kind. She was filled with joy, delight and excitement. It will take time and practice, but having experienced that this is what I am naturally like and that all the rest was added on later, helps to clear whatever mechanisms I no longer need. It helps to stay present, centred and grounded. To not allow the feelings, expectations and opinions of others, nor my self-imposed expectations, which are often the most difficult to meet, determine how I feel.

And so, the intention I set a few weeks ago, is starting to make sense: I allow my body to release the fear and set my spirit free. The outward focus, which is diminishing my self-worth, is essentially fear-based. Allowing my body, where so much of this fear has been stored for many, many years, to release and let go, creates space for my true self and her free spirit.

Setting an intention, for me, starts with feeling. And this time, I had already prepared. I had sat with my inventory on assets, resources and self-worth and tuned in to the feelings this list brought up. What came up first was a sense of heaviness. This was quickly followed by rebelliousness against that weight and a desire for adventure and freedom.

Going back to those feelings, I sensed that the seriousness and heaviness were connected to a kind of rigidity. I could not quite put my finger on it, but they made me think of a stern authoritarian person imposing their will. There was no wisdom or kindness in this persons reign; they were concerned about being in control because it helped them feel safe. There was an element of fear in their seriousness. I decided to include that in my intention.

It also seemed important that the heavy feeling was most present in my shoulders, my legs, my arms and the back of my head. It wasn’t just an idea, it was a physical experience. I could locate it in my body, as if my body held on to it right there. This was in stark contrast with the excitement I felt tugging and dancing in my heart, my chest and my eyes. Perhaps I could weave some of this into the intention as well.

The next step, and again, this is what works for me, it may well be different for you, was finding words that capture all those feelings and ideas. Relief. Body. Free. Release. Spirit. I also like to use words that speak of welcoming something into your life, opening up, inviting. And eventually this phrase emerged:

I allow my body to release the fear and set my spirit free.

One long inventory condensed into a single sentence. Thirteen words to repeat a few times a day. I could write them on a post-it, but chose to use another reminder: an essential oil blend. At some point I shall write in more detail about essential oils. For now, I will just list the ones I used for this particular intention. I should mention that my intentions are not always as long and the blends are not always as rich, but this is simply what felt right this time. The oils I used, mixed with a basic coconut oil, are the following. The descriptions added are taken from the Essential Emotions guide.

• Frankincense – to let go of negativity and support the soul and spirit
• Clove – to let go of victim mentality and restore the sense of self
• Ginger – to let go of victim mentality; the oil of empowerment
• Cassia – supports the heart and soul; the oil of self-assurance
• Bergamot – brings hope and courage; powerful cleanser of energy
• Lime – brings courage and cheer; cleanses the heart
• Lemongrass – brings clarity; the oil of cleansing
• Tea tree – clears negative energetic baggage and ties
• Basil – gives hope and optimism; the oil of renewal
• Oregano – to let go of rigidity and negative attachments

This is the blend I keep in a roller bottle in my bathroom. I put it on my wrists and heart a few times a day and repeat the intention:

I allow my body to release the fear and set my spirit free.

Some days later than planned, I am sitting down with a cup of tea and two lists. One is the starfish on my House II themes. The other is a schedule with the steps that I translated the starfish notes into.

The first thing scheduled for last week was ‘start daily meditation practice’. Indeed, I am now listening to one or more guided meditations on the Buddhify app on a daily basis. And loving it. The meditations have already helped me start a day feeling fuzzy, warm and hopeful; focus before a challenging phone call; calm down when things felt intense; get back to sleep in the middle of the night. They accompany me on the train, in the supermarket and as I walk to my studio. Already after ten days, I am starting to feel more grounded and better able to find my way back when I’m spinning out of orbit.

The second thing-to-do was to simply sit down and check-in. Which I didn’t! So what did I do instead? I worked my way through a long list of tasks that I committed to before the winter break and before taking stock of my assets, resources and self-worth. Also, there was some turbulence on a personal level which left me feeling sad and worried and, in all honesty, too tired to write.

Thankfully, each new day offers an opportunity to start again.

So here I am, checking in. And in a few days I will check in for the second time. Back on track. Although I did not sit down to review my practice last week, failing to do so has actually deepened my understanding of the situation that I am seeking to change.

Looking back, I seem to have spent most of last week organising and communicating. Preparing meetings, attending them, structuring projects, sending information, talking to people. Looking closer, I realise that the three organisations I dedicated most of my time to last week are all in a similar phase. Despite the fact that one of them started decades ago, another about five to six years and the third is still in its first year, they are all transforming. Each of these organisations is moving up to a higher pace, developing new structures internally and offering the outside world better access to their skills, services, talents, products and ideas.

One of my dear friends likes to compare such transformations to launching a rocket. Getting it off the ground and into space is really hard and requires an incredible amount of energy. I actually like that. As I mentioned in a previous post: I like shooting for the moon. I love being involved in this process of launching a rocket.

[ Side note: in astrology, each sign has a modality and and element. The three modalities are cardinal, fixed and mutable. As Chani Nicholas writes: ‘The modality of a sign tells us what its job is. Cardinal signs initiate new seasons. Fixed signs stabilise the existing season. Mutable signs let go of one season in preparation for another.’

In my natal chart, I have both my Sun and Mars in Capricorn, which is a mutable sign. If you look at it from an astrological perspective, it is no surprise that I am naturally drawn to initiating the new: the Sun speaks to your identity and the position of Mars tells you where and how you take action.]

But my friend is right: launching a rocket does require a considerable amount of time and energy. And I need to be more mindful of how I spend mine. How though? The engines are running in all three rockets. It is not an option to call the launches off.

So what can I do to protect my time and energy, particularly where it comes to the two organisations where I work on a voluntary basis? I will have to finish whatever projects are mine to finish and in the mean time find people to delegate future work to. I will also inform my colleagues that something is about to change. I want them to know that I will not be available as often as I have been so far and am, in fact, considering leaving. Much as though I care about both organisations and love seeing them thrive, I have to take responsibility for my future self and make sure that she is financially independent and therefore safe and taken care of.

This is new. Before reviewing my second house themes, I was vaguely aware that making good money was not a priority for me. I don’t really care about material things and apart from my rent my expenses are modest. I knew, on a rational level, that clearing debt, saving for larger and future expenses was important, but my focus was on paying the monthly bills. Which was a challenge in and of itself as a freelancer in the arts. Having taken a closer look at my assets and resources though, I now realise that it is time for an upgrade in my personal business. There is a rocket to launch there.

Which means I need time and energy. I need to say ‘no’ to the pro deo work so I can spend those hours on paid projects. If I would have sent invoices for the unpaid work last week, I would have covered at least half of my monthly expenses. I simply cannot afford to carry on like this.

Before I wrap up this check-in, I am taking a quick glance at the schedule to see what I am supposed to do this week. I have scheduled bringing my attitude towards money to my coach. She and I take it in turns to coach each other and I had not realised this week was my turn to coach her, so I will have to reschedule this step.

Also scheduled for this week: planning days off in the upcoming months to declutter. And: check-in. Both of these actions should be doable in the next couple of days. I do not need to enlist any support. In fact, returning to this blog and to the writing already helps to show up and stay committed. So to those of you reading: thank you. Thank you so much for listening.

As you are taking steps to bring more light and ease into your life, it can be helpful to schedule a weekly check-in. To take some time to look at the steps you committed to and see how you are doing.

To start with, decide when you will dedicate twenty to thirty minutes to yourself and to reviewing your practice. Make sure you can spend this time in an environment where it is easy for you to focus and turn your attention within.

You will need some of the notes you made before: the starfish, the steps and when you planned to take them, perhaps the visualisation if you did that exercise. You will also need a fresh piece of paper and a pen and, if you like, some music and a cup of tea or a glass of water.

Begin by making yourself comfortable. Bring your attention to the parts of your body that touch the ground and the surface you are sitting on. Relax your shoulders, your face, your eyes. Smile gently. Take a few deep breaths, slowly counting as you inhale: 1, 2, 3, 4 and as you exhale: 1, 2, 3, 4. Repeat a few times, extending the exhale to 5, 6, 7 and 8.

Breathe normally and look at the notes you brought. What actions did you plan to take this week? Can you tick them off? Is there a routine you planned to start? How is this going?

When you have taken the actions or started the new routine: well done. How does it feel? Allow yourself a minute to smile and enjoy this success. Although it might be too soon to notice any big shifts, your focus on the themes and topics is likely to have shifted something. Can you feel or see any differences? Take some notes. No need to write complete sentences or analyse anything, just some scribbles or bullet points are enough.

If the action you planned to take is still there on your to-do-list: not to worry. You don’t want this to happen every week, but there is no need to judge or be unkind to yourself. Simply be objective and look at what you did instead.

You choose to say ‘no’ to whatever action you promised to take and ‘yes’ to something else. What did you say ‘yes’ to? What was more important than doing what you meant to do? No need to judge, just look at the facts.

As we seek to create change in our lives, we will inevitably have to say ‘no’ while saying ‘yes’ would be so much easier. It takes practice, but it will become easier in time. It often helps to remind yourself why you are saying ‘no’. If perhaps you have to turn down a social invitation because you planned to redesign your website, go back to what the new website will help you achieve. This is where the visualisation might help. If you remember your destination and wonderful it will feel when you get there, it will become easier to say ‘no’.

In some cases, saying ‘no’ feels too daunting. Can you take a closer look at that feeling? Don’t push it if not. Perhaps you are coming up against something that is better explored with a coach or a therapist. But if you can, try to answer these questions: What do you think would have happened if you had said ‘no’? How bad would that have been? Are you sure it would have happened, or would a different scenario have been possible?

Hopefully, this exploration will help you keep the promise you made to yourself next time.

Now reschedule the actions that are still on your to-do-list and continue your check-in by looking at the steps you have planned for the week ahead. Is there any support you need in taking those steps? Do you need to clear extra time? Do you need a gentle reminder to keep your hoping machine running?

As you wrap up, take some time to look at the start and more of on your starfish. Take another few deep breaths, slowly counting as you inhale: 1, 2, 3, 4 and as you exhale: 1, 2, 3, 4. Repeat a few times, extending the exhale to 5, 6, 7 and 8.

Breathe normally and close your eyes for just a few minutes. Imagine what it feels like when all the things you wanted to start and do more of are there. They have become a natural part of your life. It feels good, doesn’t it? It feels like the sun warming your face. Enjoy that feeling. It is all yours. You deserve it. Allow yourself to smile. It is all good.

Now open your eyes, thank yourself for taking time to check-in and enjoy the rest of your day.

It is still early January as I write this. The time of year of resolutions. The time of year when the wonderful eclectic encyclopedia ‘The Marginalian’ shares the resolutions great artists and thinkers made before us. One of my personal favourites is the list written by musician Woody Guthrie in 1942, which contains ‘dream good’, ‘stay glad’, ‘love everybody’ and ‘keep hoping machine running’.

If you want to stick to your resolutions, keeping the hoping machine running is key. Even if your resolution is quite vague and you do not know exactly where you are going, you will need fuel to keep moving. Hope, that thing with feathers, is what will propel you forward. Your belief in possibility, no matter how small and modest, is what will spur you on.

At the start of a new year, this sense of hope and possibility is often very present. You can find yourself filled with excitement, as Elizabeth Gilbert describes in an interview: ‘an entire new year, oh my goodness, did you not see what I did with the last one?’

So how can we hold on to this feeling as we move further away from that moment we made our plans and resolutions? How do we keep the hoping machine running on a grey, wet day towards the end of January? Simply by often remembering that initial feeling of possibility and hope.

You might have an object or a picture that reminds you of when you set your intention. Perhaps the pebbles or shells you found on the beach, that beautiful golden leaf you found in the woods on new years day? Perhaps you have a picture representing your destination or the feeling you are aiming for, which you can put on your desk?

Personally, I like to remind myself with words. You’ll find quotes scribbled on pieces of paper all around my house. I keep a vast collection of quotes on my computer and my phone and I am seriously considering to have the verse ‘At the still point there the dance is‘ permanently written on my arm.

When I was going through a particularly difficult time in my romantic life, one of my dearest friends told me: ‘You are not crazy. I suggest you put that on a post-it.’ And I did.

These days, when I am looking for words to support me in keeping the hoping machine running, I will first focus on the feeling I wish to achieve. Then I will try and find words to describe the feeling and craft a short sentence without using ‘no’ or ‘not’.

I am good enough. I trust that I am safe. I relax into this love.

Instead of putting those words on a post-it, I will say them a few times a day, like a mantra or a prayer. The wise women who taught me this ritual combine it with creating an essential oil blend, which you keep in a small roller bottle. You just carry the bottle with you or keep it somewhere where you will see it a few times a day. Ideally you use the roller as you would use a lip balm: you add a fresh layer every few hours. Except you put the blend on your wrists or your heart. And as you do, you repeat your words.

I am good enough. I trust that I am safe. I relax into this love.

At this moment I am supporting my House II intentions with a phrase and a blend as well. In a new post I will go into more detail about finding those words and selecting the oils.

You can begin this practice in any given month. Your starting point will be just before the new moon occurs. The four things you will need before getting started are:

1. the time and place you were born
2. a calendar with the moon phases, such as this one
3. a notebook for keeping track of your progress
4. the willingness to take time, at least once a week, to reflect upon your steps and your progress

The first thing to do as preparation, is to find your house positions right here. If your rising sign is Aries, then Aries is the sign of your first house, Taurus the second, Gemini the third and so on. If, for example, your rising sign is Libra, then your second house will be Scorpio, your third Sagittarius, your fourth Capricorn etcetera.

Each of the houses speaks to an area of your life. In this practice, you will look at these areas of life in the order in which they show up in your natal chart. If you are an Aries rising, you will look at the themes of the first house in Aries season. If you are a Libra rising, Aries season is when the themes of the seventh house come into focus.

Aries season starts when the sun enters the sign. In this practice however, we follow the lunar cycle. We start on the new moon, the moment when the moon is right between the earth and the sun. To us it seems as if there is no moon at all, but the part we cannot see is completely lit by the sun, soaking up its light and energy. As the moon is renewing itself, so do we. We set our intentions for the weeks ahead and see them come to fruition as the moon waxes.

So the second thing to do, is to find out when the next new moon occurs and in what sign it is. It might, for example, be the new moon on 1 April 2022, which is in Aries.

When you combine your house positions and the moon calendar, you will know which area of life to focus on when. If you are an Aries rising starting this practice on 1 April 2022, you will begin by exploring the themes of your first house. If you are a Libra rising, your practice commences by looking at the topics that the seventh house speaks to.

Once you have established when and where to start, there is no more astrology involved, unless you want to weave it into the practice. The actual practice itself is based on coaching principles and is all about taking small steps to create lasting change.

With each area of your life that comes into focus, the steps are the same:

1. make an inventory
2. make a starfish and draw up a schedule
3. take actions and do regular check-ins
4. reflect upon your progress

To help you with the inventory, I shall provide lists with questions relevant to all twelve houses soon. In my blog on the practice you will find my personal inventories, which I hope might serve as an example.

When you write the inventory, try looking at your own life from some distance. Be as objective as you possibly can. If, say, you are looking at the sixth house theme ‘health’, take the perspective of a doctor reviewing your health and lifestyle. What would they pay attention to? They will probably want to know if you sleep well, do any exercise, what your diet is like, if you have any health issues etcetera.

It is essential, and this might not always be easy, not to judge yourself and to keep emotions at bay as you are drawing up your inventory. Feelings can be useful in the next step, but you really don’t need them in the first.

Once you have completed your review, it is probably best to leave it for a day and then look at it again in a new session. Read over what you have written down and ask yourself: what about this list feels right and what are things I would rather change?

In order to structure your thoughts, I would recommend the starfish model. On a piece of paper you draw five lines, just like the arms of the sea creature. You then label the compartments: stop, less of, keep, more of and start. All you have to do is transfer the items of your inventory to these five compartments.

The next step is asking: what small steps can I take in order to achieve what I want? Going back to the example of your physical health: you might realise that you want to drink more water. What will you do and when to make sure that you actually achieve this? You might decide to put a jar on your desk and make sure it’s empty by the end of your work day. This is a simple action that you can start the very next working day.

Other actions might require more preparations or time. These are the ones you really need to plan. This is why you finish the starfish session with your calendar in hand and schedule your things-to-do. Always make sure they are small and realistic enough for you to actually do them. And, very important, also schedule a weekly check-in moment.

Reviewing different aspects of your life and taking small steps to shift and change things is not always easy. I am therefore collecting various support tools right here. These are tips and tricks to keep going. You may think of them as stars or lighthouses to navigate by.

The third step then, are the actions. Each week, until the next new moon occurs and you will review a new theme, you check-in with yourself to see if things are going as planned. Please remember that here is absolutely no need to judge yourself if they don’t.

As I write in my blog: this practice is meant to lighten the load, not to overburden yourself. It is designed to celebrate what is already wonderful and beautiful and further expand on that. We work from the premiss that you are always good enough. There is no need to change you. What you are looking at, are changes you might want to make in your life in order for the wonderful and beautiful person that you are to shine more brightly.

A guide on how to check-in can be found right here. This helps you with the fourth step, the reflection upon your process. Two set moments to reflect are: (1) right before you move on to the new theme – in my blog you can find these reflections as ‘in transit’ and (2) some five months later as the full moon occurs in the sign that had been in focus. So if you start this practice on the new moon in Aries on 1 April 2022, you will look back on 9 October 2022. Hopefully you will notice a lot more ease and light.

On this website you will find a simple practice designed to help you review and change twelve different areas of your life, one at the time, over the course of one year. Each month another area comes into focus. Which part that is, depends on the sign that was rising on the eastern horizon as you came into this world.

The practice is described in more detail here. Its structure is inspired by the way the sun and the moon travel, from our perspective at least, through the sky. You can read more about this inspiration here.

This website is called ‘My Rising Sign’ because it began as a very personal project. At the start of 2022, just after midnight, I found myself looking up at the stars, remembering these words: we are stars wrapped in skin, the light you have been seeking, has always been within.

How, I wondered, could I possibly connect to this light? Where to even start? Although I might have seemed to be doing fine if not really well on the outside, inside I was struggling and I had been for quite some time.

But something shifted that night. As the fireworks chased away the old and welcomed the new, the question ‘where to start connecting to the light?’ became less daunting. It felt like a challenge. As if a journey was about to begin.

And it did. I found a place to start: my rising sign. It pointed towards the twelve areas of life mentioned above. Which I then decided to explore one by one. And so, the astrological house system offered the first part of the structure for this practice. Following it, however, does not require any understanding of astrology or even believe in it. Personally, I am drawn to astrology as an ancient wisdom tradition and enjoy learning more about it. I love that it has been studied for thousands of years and that it speaks so much about our psyche.

The second and much more practical influence for this practice, is coaching. As a qualified coach, I support individuals and teams in processes of change and transformation. Elemental questions on such journeys are: Where are you now? Where would you like to be? What are the steps to get there? How and when will you take them? What support do you need along the way?

Those are all questions you will find me asking throughout this practice. And you will see me asking these questions to the person I initially designed this practice for: myself. Each month a new area of my life comes into focus. All my answers can be found here in my blog.

You will also see me using various tools as I follow the practice. These too can be found in the blog. In time I shall gather the different types of support I find myself calling upon, such as journalling, intention setting, meditation and working with accountability partners, on a separate page.

Sharing my answers here, where at some point you might read them too, gives me an extra incentive to keep showing up. So thank you. I hope my writing serves you and that it will inspire and support those of you seeking to invite more light into their lives.