Over the past few days I have reviewed three of the main third house themes: my daily life and rituals, connection to siblings and close friends and communication. In preparation of the next step, which is to sift through the inventory and filter out the things I wish to change, I am taking some time to feel what comes up when I put the long list in front of me on the table.
Feelings can be a very useful source of information. They can help you clarify what to keep, let go of or call forth. If you are not used to tuning in and listening out for feelings, I recommend starting your session with a short, guided meditation to bring your awareness to your breath, your body and your heart. As I have mentioned before, you can find this type of guided meditations in apps like Buddhify, Headspace and Insight Timer.
When I sat down with my inventory, the first feelings that I recognised were: restlessness and unease. A kind of fluttering. It felt as if something rather hot-tempered was marching up and down my chest. A tiny little knightess in silver armour, a fierce little warrior. She seemed angry, but her eyes gave away other feelings: worry, upset, disbelief and disappointment: I cannot believe that you are doing this to me, she seemed to say.
I fought for this.
What was she speaking about? Who was this fierce little girl? Why was she so furious and hurt?
Then I remembered those words I referred to: I’ve already lost touch with some of the people I used to be. Perhaps she was a younger version of myself… Would I really sever my ties with her? No, that was actually the last thing I wanted. In fact, I was really glad to see her. To be reminded of that fighting spirit. Because she was right: she fought hard. And she did so well. She worked with great people from all over the world, lived in a vibrant city surrounded by wonderful friends…
She was there to remind me that deleting accounts or crossing names out of digital address books will not bring the relief I seek. In fact, as soon as I admitted that, I felt a deep wave of sadness wash over me. This is going to be hard, I thought. This is grief.
So now I know that when I am mapping out the steps for the third house changes, I will have to include: properly saying farewell to the people I have lost touch with. Not by literally telling them so, but in a symbolic way – as is appropriate given that rituals are also third house territory.
And also: do I have to radically break with a former part of my career? Perhaps the same dynamic that came up when exploring the topic ‘money’ is at play here. It certainly is too sweeping a generalisation to consider an entire work field as ‘no go’ just because a handful of people treated me disrespectfully. I am not a victim. Certainly not as long as I have a knightess living in my chest.
Before wrapping up, there is one more thing to add: over the next few weeks, I would like to reconnect properly with the little warrior. There are things, like that fighting spirit, that I can learn from her. But I also feel that there are things she does not know yet. Things I might be able to teach her.
She seems very reluctant to the idea of softening and being vulnerable which I described in the second part of my House III inventory. And she is not planning to agree with cutting down on mental activities in favour of physical exercise, creating artwork, spending time outdoors, nourishing my body, my skin and clearing out the house – as mentioned in the first part of the House III inventory. But that is alright. There is plenty of time for negotiations in the weeks ahead.
My rising sign 