Auteur archief: Sagittarius Rising

As I mentioned in my introduction to this practice, following it does not require any understanding of astrology or even believe in it. I myself am drawn to astrology as an ancient wisdom tradition and enjoy learning more about it. I love that it has been studied for thousands of years and that it speaks so much about our psyche.

One of my teachers when it comes to astrology, is Chani Nicholas. I listen to her weekly analyses via the CHANI app and often pick up her book You Were Born For This. The notes I am about to share on the sign Aquarius are based on both the app and the book.

I am taking these notes purely out of interest and curiosity. This practice for me is a wonderful opportunity to learn more about the signs that have always been foreign to me. Aquarius is one of them. I have never really established a relationship with it, perhaps because I do not have any planets there in my natal chart.

I wonder if understanding Aquarius a little better will shed some light on the themes in my third house. More specifically: do the qualities of this sign show in the way I approach my daily life, my communication and in the way I relate to my sister and close friends? And if so, which of those qualities are helpful and which require some counterweight?

Should you ever wish to counterbalance the qualities of a sign, an interesting place to look for inspiration is 180° further in the sky. That is where you will find the opposite properties. Where Capricorn tends to enjoy solitude, Cancer seeks to create bonds. Where Libra is all about harmony and relationships, Aries puts the self first. And indeed, Leo, the sign opposite Aquarius can help us understand what ‘the water bearer’ is not. More on that later.

First, let’s look at Aquarius itself. Like any sign, it has a modality and an element. The modality speaks to what it is there to do. This can either be to initiate (cardinal signs), to stabilise (fixed signs) or to break down and create space for something new (mutable signs) to be initiated, then stabilised etcetera.

The elements tell us something about the temperament of a sign and whether it functions via inspiration (fire), practicality (earth), communication (air) or emotion (water).

Aquarius, despite its name, is an air sign. It carries water, but does not live near or in it, like crabs, scorpions or fish. As an air sign, it is all about communication. It is also a fixed sign, which means we are looking at communication in a solid form: well-developed ideas, articulated in a self-assured way, as Chani Nicholas puts it. Aquarius is the sign of intellect, thought and vision.

In astrology, signs are connected to planets. Each of the traditional planets, the ones that were known in ancient times, has two signs where it feels at home (domicile), two where it feels uncomfortable (detriment), one where it struggles to do what it is good at (fall) and one where it works with ease (exaltation).

In a recent astrological forecast, Chani Nicholas spoke about Aquarius and its relationship to the planets and luminaries. There are no planets exalted or in their fall in this sign, but there is a lot to learn from looking at Saturn and the Sun. The first is at home in Aquarius, the second not at all. The paragraphs below are based on my notes from the podcast.

In Aquarius season, in the Northern hemisphere at least, the Sun is the dimmest. It is cold as we are distant from the solar heat. In astrology, the Sun represents the self, the divine mind, the source of energy and the persona. When it is in Aquarius, it is in a place that is foreign to it. It is said to be in its detriment.

To ancient astrologers, Saturn was where the Universe ended. It was the furthest planet known, far away from us and from the Sun. In the traditional system, Saturn is the ruler of both Capricorn and Aquarius, the signs of the Northern winter months.

At great distance from the Sun, the Moon and the Earth, Saturn is the outlier. And this is the archetype that Aquarius represents. It is the sign of the outcasts and rebels, those on the outskirts looking in. They are taking in the entirety of the scene. They live on the margins, the thresholds, they are not intertwined with the rest of things.

The contrarian is an important archetype. Not really interested in what is happening nor in being accepted at the core of the group, they can go against the grain. They are way more interested in having perspective and seeing things with a very large lens, an all-encompassing kind of view. Aquarius wants to know how the systems work. And you cannot understand how the system works if you are right up in the guts of something. You have to move away in order to have a greater understanding.

Where Leo, 180° opposite, focuses on the group and being witnessed, Aquarius tends to depend less on attention and other people. There can be a certain coolness and aloofness to it, also because it is more at home in the mind than in the realm of emotions. The challenge and invitation to this sign is therefore to connect to the wisdom of the heart. Or as Chani Nicholas puts it: Your work is to learn how to create space for your own emotional experience and to value your body, heart and soul as much as your mind and intellect.

Now, let’s return to the questions I started this post with: do the qualities of this sign show in the way I approach my daily life, my communication and in the way I relate to my sister and close friends? And if so, which of those qualities are helpful and which require some counterweight?

Well, yes. The qualities certainly show. When I wrote the inventories, I had very little understanding of Aquarius, but it makes me smile to see quite how much of what is in the notes above can be found in my earlier posts.

Writing about my daily life, I observed that ‘a very large part of my daily activities involve thinking and mental effort’. The daily rituals I am looking to implement are meant to ‘help me be more present and put my physical self first, look after it with extra care and give it all the love and nourishment that it deserves and needs.’ Not only the body, but also the heart and soul are part of the plan: ‘I am keen to incorporate a more spiritual form of meditation and a gratitude practice into my days.’

When looking at the way I relate to my sister and close friends, I expressed the wish to, essentially, be less reserved and cool: ‘I would love for this gentle, soft and calm me to be there much more often,’ I said. To which I should add that I am already warm, caring, not afraid of my emotions and very open. From an astrological perspective, this is where other placements in my natal chart are at play, such as the Moon in Pisces and my ascendants ruler, Jupiter, in Leo. In time, I have already become much less distant and aloof than I was at a younger age, but I still welcome more gentleness and presence.

And then there’s communication. Essential to both the third house and Aquarius. Communication is also central in my professional life: it is one of the ways I make my living: writing, editing, translating, speaking, teaching… In my review on these activities, I noted: ‘I have come to realise how important it is for me to express my own voice and creativity. It will be good to consider the amount of creative space I am given before taking on a new project.’

When you look through the lens of Aquarius, the outsider looking in, the sign ruled by the distant planet of boundaries, it is no wonder that I do my best work when there is distance and freedom. When there is space for me to come up with my own creative solutions. This aquarian influence is not one that I feel I need to balance out. In fact, I want to honour it even more than I have done so far.

In the final part of my inventory, I mentioned that a large number of the contacts and connections I have on social media and in my email address book are people who do not really know me or whom I know that well. For a long time, those contacts were a validation of sorts. I established these connections about ten years ago when I was looking for work in my home country after I had been living abroad for a few years. Reconnecting gave me a sense of belonging to a ‘world’, a work environment that seemed very creative, visionary and forward moving.

All the while, I was trying to ignore that this ‘world’ actually offers very little space for creative solutions and has a rather hierarchical and conservative structure. And that this environment is simply not where I do my best work.

Doing my best work actually often involves putting the ‘contrarian’ qualities to use. Whether I am coaching individual clients or teams in organisations, I will always take in the entire scene, analyse where things are at, where the unused potential lies, what part of the chaos is interesting and useful, what part can do with a tidy up. In her app, Chani Nicholas said:

Having Aquarius in House III tells us that you are able to travel to the margins, the outskirts, to take yourself out of what is popular and conceptualise something that the system needs, that the collective needs or that people need. Something no one else can get to because they are too enmeshed in the conversation that is the most gripping at the moment.

There is something about Aquarius that helps us do just this thing: to go away and think about all the facts that you have gathered and see how you can best put them together.

This is indeed what I tend to do. When I speak to clients, I sometimes describe it as a ‘catalyst’ function. I will work with them for a while, stir things up, get things moving… and then I leave. The analogy I tend to use in private, is with Mary Poppins, who, as a friend pointed out, ‘is not part of the family’. He is right and in all honesty, not being part of the family is not always easy.

However, there are many families to belong to. And not being part of one, does not make you unwelcome in others. I feel very grateful for the close friends who are my chosen family. And I know they support me in further developing that sense of belonging within myself.

One final note on communication: not being ‘enmeshed in the conversation that is the most gripping at the moment’ as Chani Nicholas puts it, indeed suits me fine. From time to time I have taken some distance from the news and media, simply to not overload my system with information. Now that this practice is helping me to feel more relaxed and grounded, it is actually becoming a conscious decision. I do not fear missing out. The same goes for social media. I only use What’s App, but am no longer using Facebook, Instagram or LinkedIN for personal communication. As a publicist for a few cultural organisations, I still have to use these media from time to time, but soon I should be able to delegate these tasks to others. That is something I really look forward to.

I have heard it said that understanding the placements in your natal chart can help you work with it rather than against it. Now that I know more about Aquarius, I can draw strength from its outlier qualities in those areas where I need it (work, media, social media). And I can balance its mental focus and coolness in other areas (family, friends, daily life) by allowing my heart, body and spirit to join the conversation more often.

This is the first out of three check-ins I have scheduled between the new moon in Aquarius, early February, and the new moon in Pisces, early March. In my natal chart, Aquarius is the sign where I have my third house of (among others) daily life and rituals, siblings and close friends and communication. After making an inventory of these themes, I identified what I want to invite into my life and what it is I am prepared to let go of. You can find both these inventories and my list of things to keep, do more of, start, do less of or stop, right here.

The weeks when the moon is waxing, are great for calling forth the things you would like to create, build and grow. I therefore decided to focus on ‘daily life and rituals’ first; this is an area where I am keen to develop new habits and structures.

I say structures, but interestingly, the first thing that has really improved, actually got better without me making any lists or schedules. I said I would structure chores, but already the intention to stay on top of it, has shifted something. It has become a bit of a competition even to not leave any piles of laundry or washing-up, but to keep all surfaces clear.

This slight competitiveness is not something I have ever experienced before when it comes to clearing away laundry. But it is different now that doing my chores has become part of this practice. Because I care more. I want this all to work. It matters to me. I really would love to experience more light and ease in my life.

It also helps to be very clear on the reasons why I am taking extra care of the house I live in: I want my immediate environment to be a place where it is clear, peaceful and warm. I also want to alternate mental and physical activities, because that too makes me feel better.

And now I find myself extending each coffee, tea or lunch break with an extra ten to fifteen minutes to do some tidying up. Even though I have only adopted this new approach to the chores ten days ago, some momentum is already building. What is wonderful about clearing and cleaning, is that it is (a) really simple and (b) there is an instant result to feel good about. I am sharing this, because I think it might help others: feeling good will encourage you to keep going and tackle the more complex tasks as well. That is why small, actionable steps are so important. Celebrating the successes is energising. It helps keep the hoping machine running.

What I have also noticed, is that I am taking more time to prepare food and healthy snacks. When I’m giving the kitchen an extra clean, it is easy to check the supplies, plan ahead and make sure the fresh ingredients are well stocked up on. Keeping my energy levels up by eating regularly makes a huge difference to my overall sense of calm and wellbeing.

Another intention that came up as I wrote about the third house, was to more consciously weave several mind-body-and-spirit practices into my daily life. I had already gathered quite a few of those practices in recent years, but did not consistently keep them up.

As with the chores: knowing I was about to address this part of my life helped. From the new moon onwards, I have been taking daily supplements designed to help promote energy, health, and vitality. When I tried to get into this habit before, it didn’t work, but this time it’s going really well. It is a little too soon to say what the benefits are, but I trust that I will be able to tell when I look back around the full moon in Aquarius in August.

The supplements will nourish my skin from the inside out, but I am also looking to support it from the outside in. Incorporating essential oils in my skincare routine is still on the list of ‘things-to-do’. What I have already done though, is starting an online face yoga course.

Until the course found its way into my inbox, I had no idea anything like face yoga existed, but I am really enjoying it. The 21 day program consists of exercises to strengthen as well as relax the face muscles, combined with acupressure and breath work. There are tips on skincare and well-being too and this is really just what I needed to develop a routine: someone talking me through 20 minutes of self-care on a daily basis.

Another online course, offered by the same platform, which I am very glad to have found, is devoted to prayer. I have first taken this course a few years ago and as the lessons were mine to keep, I often come back to it.

Because I intended to incorporate a spiritual form of meditation in my days as well, I decided to go over each of the 21 lessons again, one per day, and see what that would bring me.

Once we get to the ninth house of, among many other things, spirituality, we will look at this theme more closely. For now, I would like to briefly mention that the word ‘prayer’ might immediately make you think of religion. It is actually much broader. ‘Prayer,’ as is explained early on in the course, ‘is not owned by any religion. It existed long before the first religions did.’ The course teacher describes prayer as a deep human instinct to turn to something bigger than ourselves for guidance and support. Some might call it God, some call it the Universe, others call it Love. And that is exactly what developing a spiritual practice means to me; trusting that I am not on my own, that I am part of something much bigger that is always there to help me.

I did not grow up with religion, nor with any kind of spirituality. But at some point in my thirties, the mechanisms that had always served to protect me, began to hurt. I no longer wanted my mind to rationalise away my feelings about past events. Nor did I want it to keep trying to predict everything that would happen in the future. I no longer recognised the need to control as my own need. It did not feel right anymore. What I did relate to, was what Elizabeth Gilbert said: ‘You’re afraid of surrender because you don’t want to lose control. But you never had control. All you ever had was anxiety.’

That is how I realised it was time to start putting my trust in something bigger than myself. Life, the Universe, Love. And that is why, when Daily OM offered the online prayer course in one of their newsletters, I decided to take it. To this day I am very glad I did.

What is interesting now, is that I am listening to the lessons with a new focus. The first time round, I was in fact still operating from a need to control: if I say this prayer, I might keep danger at bay. This time, I am much more intentional about releasing the illusion of control and trusting that something bigger than myself, some immense, benevolent force for good, is lovingly holding all of us, and is indeed holding me too.

To strengthen this new way of seeing, I will add a gratitude practice to my daily routines. In a small notebook I will simply write four things I am grateful for every evening. There are prayers and meditations to accompany this practice if I feel like it, but I will just see what feels right per day.

The final routine or ritual to incorporate into my day is one to help me be more present. There are actually two things that come to mind here. The first is alternate nostril breathing (nadi shodhan pranayama), which I would like to add to my morning routine. The second is the daily meditation that came up as a ‘do more of’ as I was reviewing my second house. I have been listening to different guided meditations on a daily basis since then, but not at a specific time of day. For the next couple of weeks I would like to try if I can make it a set feature of my late afternoon. That is the time of day when the mind is already quite full with impressions, ideas, thoughts. It will be good to schedule a little break from all that mental chatter. I could listen to the meditation on a short walk, on the train home or whilst having a cup of tea by myself.

There are four more items on the daily life and rituals list I want to address, and those concern my evening schedule:

• no more working late
• no more wine to unwind
• going to bed well before midnight
• getting enough sleep

Earlier this week, I decided enough was enough: pouring an extra glass of wine after dinner had become too much of a habit in recent stressful months. Instead of cutting out the ‘wine to unwind’, I have cut out drinking alcohol altogether. It turned out the wine had not only served to feel a little more calm, it had also kept me up while I was actually really tired. Now that I was only drinking tea, I started noticing much earlier in the evening that it was time to call it a day. Instead of trying to get some more writing or work done, I just gave in to the tiredness and went to bed, exactly as planned, well before midnight. This only leaves ‘getting enough sleep’ on the list of ‘things to do’. Despite turning in on time, I have not slept through the night as well as I hoped I would, but I guess this will improve over the course of the following weeks as more of the routines are beginning to take effect.

Also scheduled for this past week, was a coaching session on professional communication and work. This was really quite extraordinary. At the end of the session I had a very clear description of both the type of coaching, training and advice I offer and the people and organisations I do my best work with. This covers two out of three types of work I want to update my portfolio on. The third, interviewing people, artists often, and other types of public speaking, is one we will look at next time.

We also explored different ways to communicate my offering. This helped me realise that a simple website and referral by my clients would not only suit me best, but is also the common route in the arts and in education, the areas I prefer to work in. No need to use LinkedIn or social media if I don’t want to; I can mention my website there and leave it at that.

Before wrapping up this check-in, there are two more things to address. The first is to go over the items I listed as keep doing what I love and siblings and close friends, simply to keep them top of mind. At this moment I do not really have any news about these topics, but I look forward to seeing what the gratitude practice brings.

The second and last thing is the week ahead. Is the planning still realistic? Is there any support I might need? Looking at the calendar, I think I should be fine. It features: daily life and rituals, doing the work and the weekly check-in. As part of doing the work, I will have to spend some time exploring what came up as I sat with the inventories and tuned in to my feelings about them: conflicting emotions around people who were once much more present in my life than they are now.

This conflict came up again in my coaching session and seems related to the power dynamics in previous work places, the topic that surfaced last month. To begin with, I will take this information to my therapist and see if she can help me find more clarity. There is a full moon coming up, which can actually shed light at what we call shadow aspects of our selves and our lives. This is not always easy, but if you take time to process, it can be very helpful, healing and freeing.

In this part of the practice, we look at the starfish with all the things we would like to do more or less of, keep, stop or start doing. How to translate these wishes into small, actionable steps?

My House III starfish is rather full, and I actually felt slightly overwhelmed when I looked at it. But then I remembered the purpose of the practice: to make life easier and bring more light into each day. The purpose is certainly not to overload your schedule.

As you move towards this new way of living, I would encourage you to be as kind and gentle to yourself as you possibly can. You do need to take action, yes, you might have to change habits, yes, but you are unlikely to find any calm and peace by pushing or overcommitting yourself.

So I looked at the starfish once more and decided to put all the wishes and plans into separate categories, which would make it easier to schedule them (or not). This led to the following lists:

Daily life and rituals

• routines and rituals for self-care, gratitude, presence and spirituality
• structuring chores
• structuring work schedule
• less cognitive activities
• more physical activities and exercise
• spending more time outdoors and in nature
• more gardening
• taking more time for cooking
• no more wine to unwind
• no more working late
• going to bed well before midnight
• getting enough sleep

Keep doing what I love

• writing
• mental stimulation and developing ideas
• preparing to launch this blog on 18 March 2022

Siblings and close friends

• spending more time with my sister and nephew
• being my most gentle, soft, calm and present self with my close friends
• being vulnerable
• communicating love, kindness, gratitude and light to close friends
• more in person communication
• less online communication

Keep doing the work

• less spiralling down into negative thoughts
• take time to grief
• let go of former friends, colleagues and connections with a ritual
• reconnect with my fighting spirit

Professional communication and work

• do a starfish on means of communication
• more focused use of various means of communication
• clear out contacts and connections
• stop using social media
• start efficiently communicating with potential clients
• start efficiently storing data and managing emails
• prepare to launch this blog on 18 March 2022
• be clear on boundaries when it comes to availability for meetings
• find projects that involve speaking in front of a class or an audience
• check with each new project if there is enough creative space

Now, let’s look at the planning. Bearing in mind, that I also want to save time for decluttering my house and studio, creating artwork for this blog and working on my portfolio’s.

The first part of the lunar cycle, when the moon is waxing, is beautiful for creating, building and allow something to grow. This is why I will start with daily life and rituals. Between now and the full moon I will gradually work on my daily routines, using this blog page as a check-list.

I am saving the professional communication and work list for the two sessions I have scheduled with my coaching friend this month. Perhaps actions will follow out of those, but I will do most of the thinking when I am speaking to her.

During the weekly check-in, I will not only look at the progress in the category in focus that week, but I will also take some time to reflect upon the categories keep doing what I love and siblings and close friends. I trust that going over the plans and wishes regularly, keeping them top of mind, will lead to the right actions in time.

Once the moon starts waning, the time comes to let things go. This is a good moment to start focusing on the keep doing the work list. The actual ritual for letting go of former friends, colleagues and connections will happen one week later.

As for the House II actions that I still need, and want to do: part of them will flow into the new daily routines and one, the portfolio’s, I will also bring to the coaching sessions.

And so, the schedule for the following weeks is:

• week 6 – daily life and rituals / check-in / coaching
• week 7 – daily life and rituals / check-in / do the work
• week 8 – letting go ritual / check-in / coaching

In week 9 we will have the new moon in Pisces, which means we shall be moving on to the themes of the following house. On 12 August 2022, the topics we are working on this February come back into focus briefly. The full moon in Aquarius is a beautiful moment to look back on the changes we are beginning to create right now.

Turning the ideas and wishes gathered in the starfish into actionable steps that can be put on a calendar is not always as straightforward. When I was writing up my starfish for the third house, I already knew that I would have to filter it all once more, simply because the list was becoming very long.

But before I do that, I want to share some thoughts on perfectibility. Which actually ties in nicely with the sign that the sun is in now: Aquarius, the water bearer. In a separate post I will further explore the qualities of this sign. I have never really felt I understood it. In fact, this was in the back of my mind when I started designing this practice: perhaps it will help me connect to those signs that feel foreign to me. For now though, it is enough to remember that Aquarius is a fixed sign and communication and the intellect are very important to it.

What this makes me think of, is the historical period of the Enlightenment. One of the central ideas at that time, was that people could achieve pretty much anything by developing their intellect and using it well. This optimism and belief in progress created a lot of momentum and, as you probably know, even revolution and change.

The notion that was so clearly expressed then, is still present in todays society. Yes, we can. We can change the world for the better, if only we put ourselves to it.

I believe that too. As a person, as a teacher, as a coach. Yes, indeed, we can. There is so much beauty in encouraging one another, reminding people they have the ability and the power to create, to make things happen, to improve their circumstances, fight inequality and oppression – but there is a danger there as well. Because with great power, comes great responsibility.

If you grow up in a world where life is what you make it, failure and things not working out can easily become personal. Not creating the perfect picture all too soon equals not being good enough.

It is an enormous challenge to stick to your own standard of good enough when the majority of pictures in commercials, in the media and on social media are heavily edited and show unattainable versions of reality. And it can also be challenging to remember that looking a certain way, owning particular objects, making a certain amount of money does not necessarily make you feel better inside.

What are we actually striving for? What does perfect look like? What will you do when you achieve it? Hold tight and hope it doesn’t break? Will it be enjoyable at all? I don’t think it will. There is something rigid about perfect. Fixed. I imagine perfect as a vacuum. No air. No space to breathe. Not at all lively, vibrant or energised.

I don’t believe perfect is what we should aim for. And I certainly don’t want anyone, including myself, to aim for it whilst following this practice. To feel pressured to get it all right at once. To feel pressured to get it right at all. That is why I am taking this pause to reflect before I translate the starfish into actionable steps.

This practice is meant to lighten the load, not to overburden yourself. It is designed to celebrate what is already wonderful and beautiful and expand on that. We work from the premiss that you are always good enough. There is no need to change you. What we are looking at, are changes you might want to make in your life in order for the wonderful and beautiful person that you are to become more visible, like a star shining brighter in the sky.

A medicine woman’s prayer

I will not rescue you, for you are not powerless / I will not fix you, for you are not broken / I will not heal you, for I see you in your wholeness / I will walk with you through the darkness, as you remember your light.

As I have said before, I have always believed that ‘shoot for the moon, even when you miss, you will land among the stars‘ is a beautiful encouragement. People often mistake this belief for perfectionism. But there is a difference. Shooting for the moon is liberating. Perfectionism is not. It is an attempt to not get hurt, to keep bad things from happening by not making mistakes.

Perfectionism is not foreign to me. There was a time in my life, a very long time even, when it drove me to study extra hard and do really well. It wasn’t until I qualified as a teacher that I learned to value the intention and not the end result. Since then I have been able to help students and clients who, as I myself had done, held on to their perfectionism for dear life, wriggle free from its grip.

It was obvious that their perfectionism helped them produce great work. Others said it was wonderful, they themselves could see it was good. And that validation seemed so much easier than valuing themselves for who they were as a person, already good enough without producing anything.

Working as a teacher helped me really get to know and appreciate my own ability to see value. Particularly to see the many ways in which value shows. In the years before, when my worked revolved around literature, I had relied on this ability too. But I realise now that those five years of teaching full time have really helped me trust it properly. And since that trust is there, I fully rely on myself when it comes to valuing my work. Instead of waiting for others to validate what I create and do, I trust that I did the best I could. And that is always more than enough.

I no longer produce anything for external validation.

That does not mean I don’t have high standards. But I am shooting for those standards because I feel inspired and energised and because I have a vision, an ideal. I see endless possibilities. Hope springs eternal. There is always light. Love wins. Yes, we can. Some might say this is my rising sign speaking. Others say that I am a dreamer. I would not argue with them.

But I do argue with those who call me a perfectionist. Because when perfectionism comes into the mix, there is a sense of fear. There is the anxiety that if you make a mistake, if you fail, if you are told you could or should have done things differently, if what you create is not appreciated, then you will be hurt, disconnected, alone – and it will all be your fault.

I will readily admit that the one realm where I do still experience this anxiety, is in my intimate relationships. I have written about this in my second house inventory. And perhaps there is a hint of this fear present even with my closest friends, the ones with whom I would love to be even more calm, gentle and present, as described in the third house inventory.

On which note: it is time to turn my focus to the starfish and the steps. Having reflected upon perfectionism versus idealism helps me to look at the ideas and wishes with extra kindness. There is no need to get anything right. No need to tick all of these things off in a few weeks time.

It is already very helpful to have made the inventory and become aware of unhelpful patterns, to be reminded of the luminaries I am shooting for. This gives a sense of direction. And just doing the next right thing, one step at the time, will eventually take me all the way home.

After taking stock of three major areas of the third house and after sitting down to notice how I felt about the inventory, it is now time to get practical. In this step I will specify what exactly I seek to change.

As with the previous inventory, I’ll be using the starfish model. You can find a more detailed description of this tool in the second house section. Some questions to ask, while looking over your inventory are: What would I like to see more of? What am I ready to let go? Is there anything new I want to bring into my life? The answers to these questions can be found in your inventory; no need to come up with anything else, just filter out the things to do and not to do.

This is what I listed in my starfish on the third house themes of daily life and rituals, siblings and close friends and communication. As you’ll see this is no straightforward to-do-list yet. I still have to translate these ideas into actionable steps and decide which of those steps to take when.

Stop – social media / keeping contact details and connections of people who I have no real connection with / drinking a glass of wine in the evening to lessen stress / working late

Do less of – online communication / cognitive activities

Keep – writing / mental stimulation and developing ideas / doing my work with the help of my therapist and coach / checking whether a project allows for space to bring creativity before I take it on

Do more of – physical activities and exercise / spending time outdoors and in nature / gardening / taking time for cooking / determining my own schedule and being clear about when I can or cannot take meetings / getting enough sleep / structuring chores / spending time with my sister and nephew / being my most gentle, soft, calm and present self with my close friends / being vulnerable / communicating love, kindness, gratitude and light to close friends / in person communication / projects that involve speaking in front of a class or an audience / focused use of various means of communication (let them work for me rather than the other way around)

Start – routines and rituals for self-care, gratitude, presence and spirituality / going to bed well before midnight / efficiently storing data and managing emails / efficiently communicating with potential clients / preparing to launch this blog on 18 March 2022 / do a starfish on means of communication / take time to grief / let go of former friends, colleagues and connections with a ritual / reconnect with my fighting spirit

Over the past few days I have reviewed three of the main third house themes: my daily life and rituals, connection to siblings and close friends and communication. In preparation of the next step, which is to sift through the inventory and filter out the things I wish to change, I am taking some time to feel what comes up when I put the long list in front of me on the table.

Feelings can be a very useful source of information. They can help you clarify what to keep, let go of or call forth. If you are not used to tuning in and listening out for feelings, I recommend starting your session with a short, guided meditation to bring your awareness to your breath, your body and your heart. As I have mentioned before, you can find this type of guided meditations in apps like Buddhify, Headspace and Insight Timer.

When I sat down with my inventory, the first feelings that I recognised were: restlessness and unease. A kind of fluttering. It felt as if something rather hot-tempered was marching up and down my chest. A tiny little knightess in silver armour, a fierce little warrior. She seemed angry, but her eyes gave away other feelings: worry, upset, disbelief and disappointment: I cannot believe that you are doing this to me, she seemed to say.

I fought for this.

What was she speaking about? Who was this fierce little girl? Why was she so furious and hurt?

Then I remembered those words I referred to: I’ve already lost touch with some of the people I used to be. Perhaps she was a younger version of myself… Would I really sever my ties with her? No, that was actually the last thing I wanted. In fact, I was really glad to see her. To be reminded of that fighting spirit. Because she was right: she fought hard. And she did so well. She worked with great people from all over the world, lived in a vibrant city surrounded by wonderful friends…

She was there to remind me that deleting accounts or crossing names out of digital address books will not bring the relief I seek. In fact, as soon as I admitted that, I felt a deep wave of sadness wash over me. This is going to be hard, I thought. This is grief.

So now I know that when I am mapping out the steps for the third house changes, I will have to include: properly saying farewell to the people I have lost touch with. Not by literally telling them so, but in a symbolic way – as is appropriate given that rituals are also third house territory.

And also: do I have to radically break with a former part of my career? Perhaps the same dynamic that came up when exploring the topic ‘money’ is at play here. It certainly is too sweeping a generalisation to consider an entire work field as ‘no go’ just because a handful of people treated me disrespectfully. I am not a victim. Certainly not as long as I have a knightess living in my chest.

Before wrapping up, there is one more thing to add: over the next few weeks, I would like to reconnect properly with the little warrior. There are things, like that fighting spirit, that I can learn from her. But I also feel that there are things she does not know yet. Things I might be able to teach her.

She seems very reluctant to the idea of softening and being vulnerable which I described in the second part of my House III inventory. And she is not planning to agree with cutting down on mental activities in favour of physical exercise, creating artwork, spending time outdoors, nourishing my body, my skin and clearing out the house – as mentioned in the first part of the House III inventory. But that is alright. There is plenty of time for negotiations in the weeks ahead.

In this final part of the inventory of the third house themes, I will look at three more aspects of communication: content, recipients and the various ways we have available to us to get our messages across.

So let’s start with that message itself, the content. What am I keen to communicate? To what extent am I getting across what really matters?

I shall answer these questions for three different areas of my life that seem relevant in the context of the second house (which you have been able to read about) and the third (which we are exploring now). In doing so, I am also writing about the recipients of the messages (1) communication with potential clients for projects (2) communication with potential readers of this blog and (3) communication with close friends.

(1) my LinkedIn profile shows my work experience and describes the various positions I have held and projects I have worked on. For as far as I know, none of the clients I am working for right now has found me there. It might help to have all the information up, but I have noticed that I personally do not enjoy spending time on the platform at all, let alone use it to find new projects. Aside from this profile on LinkedIn, I have a business page on Facebook that I have never properly used and a website waiting to be built. So in the digital realm I am not efficiently communicating what it is I do and what work I would really love to be doing. I discuss this topic with friends and other coaches, but am not taking action. So far I have gotten by because people who already knew me and had worked with me before approached me with projects.

(2) this an interesting one. I have written blog posts before, but never in such as structured way as I am doing now. My intentions then were similar to what they are now: exploring topics that are important to me by writing about them. And also: sharing what is helping me, hoping it might shine some light on the path that others are walking.

If I were to describe who I am addressing when I’m writing, it would be someone who is friendly, interested and curious. Someone who holds the space. In their presence it is safe for me to speak my mind, to explore, to not have answers yet, to share what works and be honest about what doesn’t. There is no judgement, only very generous support. They really listen. They ask great questions, but never answer in my place. They know and trust I carry all the answers within me. They do not teach or preach, they simply stand by my side.

In a sense, this blog is one long letter to myself. To myself the way I am when I am coaching: present, kind and warm. It is a letter to myself the way I am with my friends and loved ones: present, loving and supportive. It is a letter to my dear friends and coaches and to people who are like them, but whom I do not know at all.

Those people, perhaps you are one of them, may not be familiar with coaching. But I imagine you can relate to the desire to create change. That you would like to live with a little more lightness and ease. For this purpose I want to add extra material to this blog so you can start following this practice too. I am even considering designing one-on-one online workshops or short coaching trajectories for extra support. None of this is in place as I write this. In have, in fact, not even launched the blog yet.

My intention is to launch this blog on 18 March 2022, the day of the full moon in Virgo. This allows me to first write the parts that are not yet written (such as the general description of the practice) and create the artwork. But I am getting ahead of myself; this was meant to be an inventory, not a planning session.

(3) The close friends who feel like family are other recipients of messages who I specifically want to include in this inventory. What I most want to give and communicate to them, and I have touched upon this in the House III inventory on close friends, is love, kindness, gratitude and light. I think most of the time I already am, but I would love to be even more calm and soft in their presence.

Now, let’s look at the means of communication. This list below includes all the forms and platforms I use for both my personal and professional communication. At this moment, part of the latter includes supporting various organisations with their publicity and communication, hence the press releases, posters and such.

• meeting up in person
• video calls
• phone calls
• what’s app
• sending phone messages
• email
• newsletters
• press releases
• flyers, posters, brochures
• Facebook and Instagram
• LinkedIn
• blog
• website
• sending post cards and letters

In the following weeks, I will make a separate starfish for this part of the inventory only. Writing about each of these ways to communicate now will take too much time and space. I shall just add a few general remarks, some ideas that instantly came up as I was writing down the list.

One of them is something an old friend said when digital communication was not as omnipresent as it is now: ‘Let it work for you, rather than against you.‘ This is the goal I want to work towards.

In the second part of this House III inventory, I reflected on the way my perspective on friendships has, rather recently, shifted: before the pandemic I kept in touch with as many people as I could. I would refer to them as friends, even though they were not all part of my life anymore.

When I look at the contacts and connections stored on my phone, in my email and social media accounts… there are many people on those lists who I have no real connection with, neither professionally, nor personally. People who do not know me well (anymore) and who probably never will (again). People whom I do not know well (anymore) and probably never will (again).

People who I spent time with when I was living abroad. People I used to work with. Perhaps I was unwilling to give up what had felt like an essential part of my identity. I guess in a sense I was, to paraphrase Joan Didion, trying to keep ‘in touch with some of the people that I used to be’. I am still reluctant to give it all up, but I do have a feeling that it is time to make space for new people, new experiences and new memories.

The lists of digital contacts and connections do not reflect my life in the analogue world. And I think that the time has come to change that.

On which note: in the next blog posts I shall translate these four inventories into small, actionable steps which will help me to create changes and to bring more light and ease in my daily life and rituals, in my connection with my sister and other close friends and in the area of communication.

Before moving on the next house and its themes, I just want to take a moment to go back to the starfish. This is the list I made about a month ago with the things I wanted to do less of or stop doing altogether, as well as the things I wanted to do more of or start doing. The list was based on the inventory I made around the new moon in Capricorn. I will come back to both in the Summer, when the full moon occurs in the same sign, on 13 July 2022.

I am really glad to see that things are already moving and changing. The dedicated focus on money, assets, resources and self-worth has actually encouraged me to take my business to a new level. And this time I am not just thinking or talking about it; I am actually making progress.

I am delegating unpaid work, I have revised my financial planning, explored my resistance to (making) money and I have negotiated a higher fee with one of my clients.

I have scheduled my portfolio updates and already found one new project which will allow me to work with students for a few months in the Spring and early Summer.

I am much clearer about when I can or cannot have a meeting or meet a deadline and will further explore setting boundaries and stop scattering my energy in the weeks ahead when daily life comes into focus.

The daily meditations and my therapy sessions are a great help when it comes to fearful thoughts, comparison and self-judgement. And actually, developing this practice, writing the blog and sticking to the steps is also making me feel a lot better about myself. It feels empowering to create something and it is a great comfort to always have this place to turn to.

In the outside world the pandemic is raging, storms are making the house tremble and some of my dearest loved ones are not well at all. But despite all that bad weather, I find pockets of calm right here. Instead of spiralling down in fear or worry, I will often just open my laptop and revise some paragraphs or write a post on supportive tools. Restless energy redirected.

I look forward to adding another layer to this blog by creating the artwork. And to do so in a clear and decluttered house.

This is the third and final check-in on the steps I planned to take related to my assets, resources and self-worth. A simple guide for checking in can be found right here.

Always start by appreciating the good news. Challenge the negative bias that our minds have been gifted with and just look at the things you got right. Even if your entire ‘steps-to-do-list’ is staring at you without any strike-throughs: you are here. You are checking in and showing up. And that is really good news.

These are the steps I got done:

• daily meditation
• coaching session on attitude to (making) money
• revise financial plans
• weekly check-in

Well, I am typing up the check-in a new week, but the handwritten draft was already there. No further comments on that, nor on the daily meditation.

The coaching session brought some really unexpected insights. The vague reluctance and resistance I noticed around ‘money’ and ‘making money’ was actually connected to negative experiences I have had, sometimes on a very subconscious level, in my professional life. It wasn’t the money itself, nor the concept of ‘making good money’, but the association with people and situations I have encountered in places where I or others made money.

Part of me very kindly wanted to keep me from going back to such places, from re-entering the realm, which for now I shall describe as ‘the corporate world’. It was simply afraid I might get hurt. In a separate blog post I have written about these insights in more detail. Being aware of this hurt allows me to first of all be very gentle to myself as I allow it to heal. I also feel encouraged to think properly about my boundaries, and get very clear on them before approaching organisations for new projects.

Because, yes, I will try and find new projects, more in line with my talents and aspirations, in the near future. I have revised my budget and set higher targets from July onwards. The plan is to work on my portfolio and how to communicate what I have to offer in February (this ties in nicely with one of the themes of House III), then find the work in March and April and start the new projects in May or June. I will not start sooner because other work has already been scheduled and I want to keep space in my calendar for writing this blog as well.

Then there are two things I have not yet ticked off:

• declutter the house
• create artwork for this website

In the check-in it is always worth asking: what did you do instead? Remember to be kind and curious. You are asking this question to get yourself back on track, not to tell yourself off.

Part of the reason why I haven’t started decluttering the house or making artwork yet, is because I spent time writing blog posts. I really wanted to type up my notes from the coaching session and gave that priority over the other ‘to-do’s’.

I have also spent quite some time on my inventory for House III, in which, interestingly, I have come to realise that if I take some time off work, I am used to spend it writing rather than painting or clearing space in the house. So yes, there is an excuse, for not doing what I said I would do. But also: asking myself what happened and what I did instead, is showing me that there is a pattern to be broken: less mind work, more hand work. How very convenient that this is already on the list for the upcoming weeks.

Another reason for not spending time doing what I promised I would do, is that things have actually started to shift. I have found two people to whom I can delegate work so I can take a step back and do less of the practical, operational tasks. I spent some of the time I initially took off talking through the details with them and sending them information.

And now, as we wrap up the check-in, the final step is to look at the week ahead. What needs to happen? Is everything set? Can you perhaps find time for the things you did not get round to this week?

The week ahead is the week of the new moon in Aquarius, so it is the beginning of a new theme. If I’m realistic, I will not be able to do all the decluttering or all the artwork, but I can make a start. Getting started is already half the work.

The final third house theme I would like to address is incredibly broad: communication in all shapes and forms. It speaks to ideas, data, language and all the various means of sending and receiving information.

So let’s start with the mind. When it comes to mental stimulation and developing ideas, I am in a very good place. I get to spend a lot of time thinking about and exploring topics I am naturally drawn to, such as the arts and education, psychology, transformational processes in individuals and organisations, emotional wellbeing and trauma healing. I am applying what I have learned and am continuing to learn in my professional life almost every day. And I have are other interests, such as astrology and essential oils that I enjoy reading and learning about as well.

However, my mind, like any mind, is not always on that positive and productive track. As I have described before, negative, dark and fearful thoughts can take up a lot of headspace. But such thoughts, as astrologer Chani Nicholas pointed out in her reading this week, are a form of communication too.

At the moment, I am making really good progress in therapy, which is helping me to understand these thoughts as a part of myself speaking up, making itself known. What this part is trying to convey, is different from what it literally says. Underneath the thought (you are not good enough) lies a message (I feel vulnerable). It takes time to learn how to translate the thoughts and receive the messages. To tend to the part of self that is so deeply afraid of separation, loss and pain. But investing this time is very much worth it.

One final note on the mind: as I established in the first part of this House III inventory, many of my daily activities are cognitive, to the detriment of time spent outdoors, in nature, getting exercise, working in the garden, making artwork etcetera.

On to another aspect of communication: data and information. You could interpret this as the type of information you gather, perhaps your ability to access the information you seek, but you might also want to think of the ways you collect, filter, process and store the data.

The first thing that comes to mind, is: there is so much information out there, everywhere, all the time. I used to love sitting at the table, either at home or in a cafe, with the weekend papers, slowly finishing a pot of tea, eggs on toast and then a few cups of fresh coffee. I am a very curious person, I care about what happens in the world and I have always enjoyed reading. For some reason though, I have stopped following the news altogether. I am not reading any papers and I am not watching television, listening to the radio or following the news online either. No head space. Too much information.

Opening up again to the good things media has to offer, is not a priority at the moment. I will therefore not include it in my steps for the following weeks. It is, however, something I might circle back to. I can imagine that a shift in another part of my life will also shift things in this area. I would love to find a way to take in the information I am interested in without getting overwhelmed by all the extras, such as commercials, adds, chocolate letter headlines, gossip, drama and speculations. So that is one for the wish list, but I will leave it for now.

There is a similar reluctance to spend time on the efficient storage of data that I collected up until this point. No matter how good it might feel to get rid of what I no longer need, it will take forever to tidy up my digital shelves and chests of drawers; the amount of files and information stored on my phone, tablets, laptop, old laptops and external disks, all the data in various inboxes… I can not even imagine how much work that would be.

But still. Although I do not want to dive back into the past and do a data clear out, I would welcome a more efficient way of storing pictures, files, contact details and emails in the future. I am ready to make a clean start, not only when it comes to managing my emails, but also when it comes to social media. More on that in a minute.

First, let’s look at transferring ideas, concepts and information from the mind (or indeed electronic devices) into the world. This too is part of the House III realm. You might, for instance, want to look at languages and language skills as part of your inventory. I guess for me, what I mentioned about ideas and mental stimulation, also applies here: I have no complaints whatsoever. Nothing that I wish to change in regards to expressing myself in my mother tongue or any other language.

I have loved words for as long as I can remember. I grew up reading lots of books, learned as many foreign languages as I could in secondary school and then went on to study literature and build my career around it. At this moment, English is the only foreign language I actively speak and write, mainly because there has been very little travel since the start of the pandemic. I do not mind; learning or brushing up any other languages is not a priority right now. We’ll see where things stand come the new moon in my ninth house of travel on 28 July of this year…

Improving my language skills happens naturally, particularly since I began to write this blog. Practice really does help. This, at least, is my experience. A few years ago, before I became a freelancer, I was not writing that much. Providing piles of copy for various projects has significantly improved the ease with which I write.

Another way of looking at the transfer of information, is to reflect on activities like writing, editing, translating and speaking. As I touched upon in my House II inventory of money, assets, resources and self-worth, I have, in recent years, earned my keep by practicing all of these activities. In doing so, I have come to realise how important it is for me to express my own voice and creativity. Editing or translating the work of another author becomes a struggle when their voice is very different from mine. This is something I have learned the hard way and am now much more mindful of. But in fact, I rarely take on editorial projects or translations anymore. I have shifted my focus (see also House II) and am not acquiring copy writing assignments either, but it will be good to consider the amount of creative space I am given when it comes to those projects too.

As for the shift in focus: I am looking forward to more coaching, working with younger people and also – this is where speaking comes in – teaching and public interviews. Writing this blog, is of course, another way to be creative and express my own voice.

In the fourth and final part of this House III inventory, I shall look at three more aspects of communication: content, recipients and means.